To the Bureaucracy . . .

I would like to give a warm, heartfelt
FUCK YOU!
Item #1: I sent MSU a transcript a month ago. Today I see that I have a hold against my enrollment - due to a missing transcript! If I'm not enrolled, I can't go to the university health center to be referred to a chiropractor, which I really need right now!
Item #2: I don't receive much mail normally, but since I've been here I have received mail once. Today I find out why - my name isn't on the mailbox! So everything has been returned to sender except that one day. Half of the mailboxes don't have names on them, and I'm pretty sure that my building isn't half empty! My name wasn't on my previous mailbox and I got mail . . . why is it so arbitrary, and why did no one tell me! My mom is postmaster and she's never mentioned it!
Item #3: Texas A&M keeps sending me emails about graduate student orientation despite me telling the professor that I would have worked with that I chose another school, sending in my declination which I guess never got there, and informing the graduate secretary via email of my decision!

So what's the fucking point! Everything gets lost, no one listens, and for some reason a fucking piece of paper can keep me from getting healthcare and mail! This system sucks.

Red

Imagine . . .

Out of the world's 6 billion people, you are one of the lucky one million who can see red. However, only half of you realize that you can see red, and only one thousand of those who know of their ability choose your profession - the maker of red paint. Almost everyone can see violet and orange, so red paint is needed, but most people can't comprehend the color. How do you explain to others what it is that you do? And that it isn't voodoo?

Lately, that's how I have felt. People ask me about what I do and it is very hard to explain. And, unfortunately, most people are not able to understand or lack the background to comprehend nuclear chemistry. Other high-intelligence professions are easy to relate to - the general population comes into contact with doctors, lawyers, engineers (sometimes), and successful business people. The daily routines of teachers, farmers, and retailers are familiar. But nuclear scientists and scientists in general . . . not so much. I feel alone when I go home. When my parents and relatives, non-technical (usually non-Rose) friends, and hometown people ask, "What are you working on?" or "What are you doing up there?" I don't know what to say. It is hard to assess a person's background. Age is a part of your identity where I am from, and it is important not to come across as condescending to your elders. They know I did well at Rose - I was in the paper several times for Dean's List and for winning a Chemistry Department award. So they expect something great, but how to convey my "great" occupation's details - this I do not know. I am sure I will get better at it.

I am not meaning to come across as whiny or stuck-up - I was surprised by this feeling. I don't like to offend people, and the ones I am concerned about seem to be easily offended. I'll ask my fellow grad students, so I am not really looking for answers here I just liked the analogy that I came up with. And maybe I'll use it to explain myself if I actually tick someone off!

Update!!!

In case anyone actually reads this thing . . . Here is what I have been up to the past 6 months or so:


1. I got accepted to all three graduate schools that I applied to! After much deliberation I chose Michigan State - THIS IS SPARTA! I spent the past week finding an apartment and moving up there - with much help from Ryan! T. O. deserves a big "thank you" as well. I really like my new apartment, it is very close to campus and a shopping center that includes a Kroger! The entire area is nice. I start Monday, and I am excited to finally be doing what I want to do.


2. I graduated from Rose with two degress: Chemistry with a Math minor and Physics with an Optical Engineering minor. I missed magna cum laude by 0.06 - my GPA was 3.54. Oh well, that wasn't too bad. And my 20 hours of humanities A's taken at ISU didn't count :(. It feels so good to be done!


3. Ryan and I are doing great. At Spring Banquet he laviliered me!!! I was serenaded as well that night, and it was definitely one of the happiest nights of my life. I am so lucky to have a boyfriend like him - he takes care of me when I need it, cheers me up, and is so supportive of everything I want to do. Perfect examples - 1) He helped me move by loading, unloading, and driving a 14' U-haul 350 miles - 2) There is a good chance that he will want to seek employment or grad school wherever I chose to go, yet he didn't really give me any input; he just wanted me to go wherever I thought would be best for me. The final decision was going to be mine anyway, but he didn't resent that at all. - 3) February 14 was his first Valentine's Day with a girlfriend, but after a horrendous skiing day I was down with the flu. I pretty much slept all day while he stopped by to check on me, and he surprised me with a balloon :) and didn't complain once. I could keep going, but you get the idea. I am sure I have finally found the guy for me. The next two years will be tough, but he is more than worth it.


4. On a sort of similar note, I have also been blessed with amazing friends. I have never felt so loved or appreciated. TriDelta's senior fireside was very touching. Ben called to tell me goodbye and I almost cried - I need to tell him that. I'm going to miss them all - my sisters, AXE brothers, tennis team, chemistry and physics friends, bookstore people . . . the list goes on. Most of all though I'm going to miss Pike and my Pike guys. Don't read this wrong - I love all the aforementioned people. But Pike is where I hung out the most and if home is where your heart is then that's my home. Waters, Tomsu, Sarah, Hugga, and Erinn were a second family, and I have at least one good or funny memory with most of the rest of the guys. And I almost always feel comfortable there - I guess if there is a good thing that comes with Ryan being two years younger it is that I have a reason to come back and visit often!


5. In this latest round of Midwest flooding, my parent's house was saved by tearing up the yard to build a 3-4 foot levee. Yesterday Ryan and I canoed out to Isle de Gehring. Everyone is okay now, and it could have been much worse. A guy I went to high school with does lawn care in the summer, and they are happy to give him some more business! Check it out below:

6. Over Winter Break I went down to New Orleans to build houses again. It was a smaller group this time, and only one other person was a current Rose student, but I had a lot of fun! Justin Moe and I are the Rose Roofing Dream Team. Over Spring Break I went to Florida with the tennis team. I dislocated my shoulder during our only match - it was late, the lights were on, and when I tossed my ball while serving I lost it in the light. I tried to correct for it to quickly and it went out. I finished anyway - for the first time my coach really pissed me off. He told me I wasn't hurt - I was just upset. WTF!?!? I won, barely, in a supertiebreak. Pissing me off tends to make me feel less pain, but let me tell you, that hurt. My chiropractor popped it all the way back into socket after we returned, and she had a hard time doing that because it was so inflamed! Yeah, I was upset . . . It still clicks when I serve, so I don't know if it's in socket right yet. I'll be going to a new chiropractor in East Lansing, and I'll probably have to be re-evaluated, so I'll ask about it then.

I might ramble on more later. If anyone I know reads this please leave a comment! Then I can add info you specifically may be interested in . . . and have a reason to update!

TWO THOUSAND EIGHT!!!

I GRADUATE THIS YEAR! CLASS OF 2008!

As 2007 came to an end, I thought back over the events. 2007 was pretty damn good. 2008 is looking to be even better. Here's a recap of recent events.

First, the bad:
My great aunt died in the middle of December. I know most people are not close to their great aunts and uncles, but this was my Grandma's only sister. Who married my Grandpa's brother. And lived across the backyard from them as my Dad was growing up. And who always lived in Terre Haute. And who never missed a birthday and loved my sister and I as if we were her own grandchildren - the only two she had lived out-of-state until recently. She had ALS - aka Lou Gehrig's disease. For 7+ weeks she was confined to a hospital bed, unable to eat or to move any muscles except those in her face. It was terrible. To see someone so full of life who was always the first to hug and kiss you as you walked through the door like that, it is heartbreaking. And there isn't anything anyone can do. Helplessness . . . not a feeling I like. However, she's not suffering now; she is in a much better place. During those 7+ weeks I had a rough time. And I apologize to anyone I took it out on. Having all that going on took the wind out of my sails.

Second, the major decision:
Nuclear chemistry, nuclear physics, particle physics . . . finally decided upon nuclear chemistry. So far I have decided to apply to Indiana University, Michigan State, and Texas A&M. IU is the baseline. I really like the nuclear chemist there, and he has connections with most every national laboratory and university with a cyclotron, plus some international associates.

New Year's was amazing. I went up to Chicago with Ryan. But I'll post more about that later . . .

Destress

Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. I finally made it through another exceedingly stressful week. It has been three in a row. I have been really sick with a sinus infection the past three weeks. Two Saturdays ago I took the GRE General test. Despite running a 102-degree fever the night before I got a 1320, which should be good enough to get me in to wherever I want to go. The following Monday I finally went to career services and got a day out of class + antibiotics. And then spent the rest of the week trying to get caught up. My body does not handle fevers well; I would get cold chills, feel dizzy, and pass out way before my intended bedtime - and not finish whatever homework I was working on. This past week was not any better. I presented my summer research at our symposium and actually did a good job - I made up for the horrendous job I did two years ago at Butler. I needed that boost of confidence. Then earlier today was the Chemistry GRE - answered 87 out of 130 questions. Most of the ones I skipped were organic, and I am NOT going into that , so a low score in that area just shows that I have my priorities in order lol. I think I did okay. Finally, I met the boyfriend's parents since they were down for Dad's day. And apparently they liked me. So 3/3 on the weekend.
Otherwise, life is still pretty good. Athena is in attack kitty world domination playful mode, which drives me crazy. She is currently 3.6 lb, a definite improvement from the 4 oz. she was when I first got her! But still, she needs Ridilin.
Today I went to my first Anchor Splash. TriDelta won, and so did my Pike guys :). Synchronized swimming was by far the best event, which my littlest and my boyfriend participated in. He was a HOTT King Leonidas lol. And his parents were very nice. Ryan is amazing, and I am glad things are staying good between us.
Tomorrow is going to be a great football Sunday. I mistakenly thought the Packers were playing the Cowboys . . . but that's not until the 29th this month. Still, I hopefully get to watch them at 1 followed by the long-awaited Patriots @ Colts. Go Green & Yellow, & Go Blue & White!

SURPRISE!

Senior year has definitely been the best so far, even though I have been periodically sick due to my body adjusting to a new prescription. Homework is much lighter, plus less lab. Tennis is amazing - despite not being the best, I am one of our three team captains. The lack of responsibility/leadership in my life no longer plagues me, as I have accepted roles, as minor as they may be, in other areas as well. Saturday I played #6 singles against a girl who is just now learning to play. I blanked her 6-0, 6-0 . . . I felt terrible, like I was beating up a cripple. The second team we were to play only had 5 players, so they had to forfeit #6 singles and #3 doubles, but someone has to get credit for the win. Coach gave it so me, so technically I am 2-0 on the year and career-wise 6-0 in matches. I only play the sucky schools, so it doesn't feel like that much of an accomplishment; yet, it is still kind of nice, and I guess if I went to one of those schools I would be towards the top of the ladder . . . and get creamed a lot.
And for the surprise - I have a boyfriend. Wonderful yet almost incomprehensible at times. The logical part of my mind is in overdrive trying to figure it out, but the other half that I usually ignore is blissfully happy. Guess I will actually pay attention to it for once :).

Breakthroughs

So here is what is new, and good, in my life . . .

First of all, my kitty is starting to play! See for yourself.

Well, she still catnaps the majority of the time. The first picture was taken when she was a week and a half old (she is now about 3 1/2 weeks). At the time, she was as big as her older "brother." Poor Yoda is not happy to have her around, she disturbs his slumber. He sits on top of his house and glares at us as I am feeding her as if to say, "SHUT HER UP ALREADY!"

Secondly, I ran a mile on the treadmill both today and yesterday without stopping. Yeah, I know big deal. But when your back usually spasms out, and you've flown off the back of a treadmill into a set of closet doors before due to such an occurrence, it is a big deal. Maybe my muscles of my T12 and L2 (I think) are finally rebalancing. Just in time for my last tennis season.

Lastly, on a more random note, I actually gave "What I want in a guy" some serious consideration. The train of thought began after an Oedipus/Electra complex discussion related to the literature class I just finished. After reading what all these conditions address, I realized that they are a lot more, uh, well, gross. Anyway, I have heard a saying that is something like "Every girl is looking for her father" many times. So I did a mental compare/contrast of my father's characteristics to what I would actually want in a guy. Personality and interests - not anything perverted. My father is a great person - he takes care of others and does a lot of nice things. He's fair and honest. Those qualites are on "the list." I definitely deserve someone who will not lie to me or cheat on me or treat me like shit - for once lol. But after that, the road forks. My father is very close-minded and judgmental. And our priorities do not align. I want someone who prepares for the worst while still being positive and hoping for the best. People will make their own choices, and I could not handle a man who criticizes other's private decisions (that don't negatively affect themselves or others). No saran wrap either - it is okay if we aren't together every single second! Don't suffocate me! I do not want the pressure assocaited with being the center of someone's universe, I would rather just be the brightest star in the sky, the person that makes his day better. Not everything is a big deal, and I want a guy I can just have fun with and experience life - someone who'll teach me to throw a spiral one day and then go ride rollercoasters the next and finish off the week, happily exhausted, looking for shooting stars. So I will keep looking for the falling stars on my own, and keep wishing on them . . . maybe one day my wish will come true. But if not, I have made it this far, haven't I? I will be fine.